9:23 p.m...getting ready to do 20!

So this is the first blog posting I've made at night (it tends to be my morning ritual). For all I know, I might write something tomorrow morning as well, but right now, I need to let out some nervous tension. I am running 20 miles tomorrow. 20. It sounds so intimidating, and it is.

We were supposed to run 20 last week; I had a cold, but I thought I could do it. Every time we got water, I blew my nose and thought I could keep going. Well, after about 14 miles, the cold went right into my chest, and I found it more and more difficult to breathe.

At mile 15, I gave up and walked back.

I felt like a failure: a huge wuss. I waiting for my teammates to make it through their twenty, gave them high 5's, watched them all celebrate, and felt like I had let myself down. I know that running with a cold is tough, and I know it was probably the right choice, but I've felt badly about it all week.

So tomorrow, I'm doing it. No if's, and's, or but's. No "I'm tired" or "I have cramps" or even "I have a blister." I can get through this! Just this week, I received some more donations, and it's looking pretty decent financially. Now I just have to get my butt into gear and do the miles.

26 miles is a lot, but I've learned that running is 90% effort, 10% conditioning. It's almost all mental, and it's my own insecurities that hold me back. I think that, in this way, running is also metaphorical for life. How many times have I stopped myself from submitting an article or applying for something, or even going to a party, because I'm insecure? Yet usually, all of these things are rewarding in the end, as I know 26.2 will be. And damnit, I'm gonna put one of those obnoxious 26.2 stickers on my car...because it is something to brag about!!

Hmmm...I killed 7 minutes. Ben, my husband, is in bed asleep, and it's a little early for bed, but I can't sit here and think about the run. I think I'll try and go watch something mindless on TV. I'll see you very early tomorrow morning!

baby it's cold (and dark) outside

When we started training this summer, we met at 7 a.m. At the time, it seemed absolutely brutal to get up at 6 on a Sunday. Yet at least the sun was up, and it felt like morning.

Fast-forward to today, September 6th, at 6:00 a.m.

We start running in a half an hour, and it's pitch black outside. I just let out Puck, my dog if you don't know me--is anyone reading this, by the way?--and had to turn the outdoor lights on to let him see. It's a little bit sad when I leave home for a run and see that everyone else's lights are out, that they are still snuggling into their beds preparing for a few more hours of sleep.

Not only that, but it's getting cooler in the mornings! This is generally a good thing, though, considering the South Carolina heat and humidity. At least cool mornings are better for runs (but not better for getting up).

Can you tell I'm grumpy about getting up today? I have a cold, and I can't stop coughing. 2 weeks of school and the students have already given me their first little "gift." Ha. But seriously, I feel it in my head and my chest, and I just hope I can make it through this run today.

Last week, Barbara (our coach) told us to come up with three goals for our race, and today seems a good morning to implement mine:

1) I will pick an interval and stick to it. Today, I'll try 6 and 1's (meaning, for those of you who don't follow Gallaway's training method ;), that I'll run 6 minutes and speed walk 1 for the entire race)

2) I will think of my father, my reason for doing this, as well as of our team heroes and the many people who suffer with blood and other cancers. Sometimes I get so caught up in bitching and/or feeling tired that I forget why I'm running in the first place.

3) This sounds cheesy, but I will remember to smile. Barbara suggested this so, tentatively, I smiled on one of my weekday early morning runs. I felt like a bit of a moron and wondered what the people driving to work thought of me, but it actually helped. By smiling, I elevated my mood a bit and was able to have a great run.

So that's all, folks. Time to head out into the dark abyss and run a little. Catch you later.

18 miles

So, I've been psychologically prepping myself all week for the challenge of running 18 miles today...I ran every single day except for Friday! Even on mornings when I had to teach, I woke up ridiculously early and ran. Yesterday, I prepped my graduate course, graded most of my essays, only drank water, and tried to get to sleep at a decent hour.

Then, I couldn't sleep.

I lay there, thinking about 18 miles, and I couldn't sleep. The more I tried not to thnk about running that far, the more scared I got. So I finally fell asleep around 2 and had to wake up at 5 because, for some reason unknown to man--at least to me--, my TNT group decided to begin our Sunday run at 6 instead of 6:30. Inhumane. I'm already not a morning person, and getting up this early on a Sunday is just brutal.

But, despite my sleeplessness and general grouchiness this morning (even my dog, who pretends a big yawn so that I'll let him out of his crate and then promptly falls asleep right outside the door, is annyoing me right now), I know I can do this. I've been training so hard, and I'm strong, physically and mentally.

More importantly, I'm not doing this for me -- I'm doing it in memory of my father and other cancer heroes and survivors. This, I think, will be my mantra for today, and it should be enough to get me through.

hanging in there

Sorry I haven't posted for a while. Last week was *crazy.* Two of my teammates and I decided to run Saturday morning instead of Sunday with the group -- I was supposed to work at a LLS triathlon event Sunday morning, and they were trying to help me out.
Well, I don't know why, but both Charlotte and I felt like absolute crap at the end. Charlotte was worse than me: she threw up in the bushes in front of a rental house while the realtor was showing the place! We had a good laugh over that.
Seriously, though, I have no idea what it was, but that run kicked by butt. I got home and promptly began to develop a migraine, which, of course, kept me from working at the triathlon in the first place. Aargh.
Today is a "short" run: we're running 12 miles to back off before we run 18 next week. I can't believe we're so close (we stop at 20!). I also can't believe I start teaching this upcoming week, Wednesday. It makes me nervous to be running such long distances and teaching simultaneously, but thankfully we're pretty far along. So having said all that, I should go RUN and put y'all's money to good use.

Me at 14 miles

So, this is a pic I took to send to people after running 14 miles. I think I look quite happy:


Unfortunately, my left hip and knee don't *feel* very happy, so I'm going to go to a therapeutic massage place tomorrow in hopes that it will help. I'm worried that I have ITBS (illiotibial band syndrome), but this isn't as scary as it sounds and can be resolved by stretching and conditioning--the former of which I'm too lazy to do, and the latter of which I haven't really had time to do. But I need to make time or I'll shred my knees before the race!

Also, this is my second time trying gu, this strange substance that we're supposed to ingest every hour or so...I tried some chocolat espresso last time and (yummy as that might sound) it tasted--mixed with water-- like chocolate pudding and made my stomach feel really really heavy and strange. So today I'm trying a lemon flavored one, because I personally like the tart flavors. We'll see how it goes...

Fundraising-wise, I think I'm doing okay (although that's relative, I guess). I've raised 51% of my goal, thanks to some really generous people and one person I'm not even sure I know! We're having a housewarming party next weekend, and I requested donations in lieu of food or beverages, so I hope that helps out.

So that's all for now, I guess. I just ate a banana and a peach and am contemplating some peanut butter before I begin my long run...but maybe I'll just leave things as they are, because my tummy is really fussy.

We're running 14 again today before we up to 16, so keep me in your thoughts.

It's getting hot!

People always told me the temperatures seem unbearable here in late July - August, but I figured- "how bad could it be?" I still think they are bearable...if you're inside in air conditioning! It is getting so difficult to run in this heat and humidity, and yet we're getting it done.

Also, I'm really motivated because I just formally submitted that I'm running in honor of my father, who passed away in 2001. I'm looking for a picture of him, but it was unfortuantely before I had a digital camera (rats). Anyway, after my father had cancer (lung the first time) and heart disease, we used to take long--or what I then thought was long!--walks together. I remember them fondly and hope he's proud of the fact that I'm now running a MARATHON to find cures for people suffering with cancer.

I don't know what else to say; it's hard to get my thoughts in order at 5:30 in the morning. I'm bringing my camera today and taking some pics of teammates, and of me, which I'll post later.

Farah Fawcett

I've been thinking a lot about Farah Fawcett and her battle with cancer, which she lost about two weeks ago. I watched the documentary she made - and later had her friend help her make- about her battle with anal cancer that spread obstinately to her kidneys. (http://www.nbc.com/farrahs-story/video/episodes/#vid=1105074)

Because Michael Jackson passed on the same day Farah did, we heard very little about her ultimate "defeat" or, in her case, the lack thereof. That woman always had a smile on her face and a strong faith in God. Yet she also had a strong faith in herself, and in medical science, being able to beat this ravaging disease.

Today, as I prepare to run 14 MILES, I think of Farah, how much she wanted to believe in a cure, to believe that she would still be around to truly experience the beauties of life. I'm running for her, for the many people like her who pray every day that cancer, in all of its forms, might finally become less of a death sentence.