9:23 p.m...getting ready to do 20!

So this is the first blog posting I've made at night (it tends to be my morning ritual). For all I know, I might write something tomorrow morning as well, but right now, I need to let out some nervous tension. I am running 20 miles tomorrow. 20. It sounds so intimidating, and it is.

We were supposed to run 20 last week; I had a cold, but I thought I could do it. Every time we got water, I blew my nose and thought I could keep going. Well, after about 14 miles, the cold went right into my chest, and I found it more and more difficult to breathe.

At mile 15, I gave up and walked back.

I felt like a failure: a huge wuss. I waiting for my teammates to make it through their twenty, gave them high 5's, watched them all celebrate, and felt like I had let myself down. I know that running with a cold is tough, and I know it was probably the right choice, but I've felt badly about it all week.

So tomorrow, I'm doing it. No if's, and's, or but's. No "I'm tired" or "I have cramps" or even "I have a blister." I can get through this! Just this week, I received some more donations, and it's looking pretty decent financially. Now I just have to get my butt into gear and do the miles.

26 miles is a lot, but I've learned that running is 90% effort, 10% conditioning. It's almost all mental, and it's my own insecurities that hold me back. I think that, in this way, running is also metaphorical for life. How many times have I stopped myself from submitting an article or applying for something, or even going to a party, because I'm insecure? Yet usually, all of these things are rewarding in the end, as I know 26.2 will be. And damnit, I'm gonna put one of those obnoxious 26.2 stickers on my car...because it is something to brag about!!

Hmmm...I killed 7 minutes. Ben, my husband, is in bed asleep, and it's a little early for bed, but I can't sit here and think about the run. I think I'll try and go watch something mindless on TV. I'll see you very early tomorrow morning!

baby it's cold (and dark) outside

When we started training this summer, we met at 7 a.m. At the time, it seemed absolutely brutal to get up at 6 on a Sunday. Yet at least the sun was up, and it felt like morning.

Fast-forward to today, September 6th, at 6:00 a.m.

We start running in a half an hour, and it's pitch black outside. I just let out Puck, my dog if you don't know me--is anyone reading this, by the way?--and had to turn the outdoor lights on to let him see. It's a little bit sad when I leave home for a run and see that everyone else's lights are out, that they are still snuggling into their beds preparing for a few more hours of sleep.

Not only that, but it's getting cooler in the mornings! This is generally a good thing, though, considering the South Carolina heat and humidity. At least cool mornings are better for runs (but not better for getting up).

Can you tell I'm grumpy about getting up today? I have a cold, and I can't stop coughing. 2 weeks of school and the students have already given me their first little "gift." Ha. But seriously, I feel it in my head and my chest, and I just hope I can make it through this run today.

Last week, Barbara (our coach) told us to come up with three goals for our race, and today seems a good morning to implement mine:

1) I will pick an interval and stick to it. Today, I'll try 6 and 1's (meaning, for those of you who don't follow Gallaway's training method ;), that I'll run 6 minutes and speed walk 1 for the entire race)

2) I will think of my father, my reason for doing this, as well as of our team heroes and the many people who suffer with blood and other cancers. Sometimes I get so caught up in bitching and/or feeling tired that I forget why I'm running in the first place.

3) This sounds cheesy, but I will remember to smile. Barbara suggested this so, tentatively, I smiled on one of my weekday early morning runs. I felt like a bit of a moron and wondered what the people driving to work thought of me, but it actually helped. By smiling, I elevated my mood a bit and was able to have a great run.

So that's all, folks. Time to head out into the dark abyss and run a little. Catch you later.