9:23 p.m...getting ready to do 20!

So this is the first blog posting I've made at night (it tends to be my morning ritual). For all I know, I might write something tomorrow morning as well, but right now, I need to let out some nervous tension. I am running 20 miles tomorrow. 20. It sounds so intimidating, and it is.

We were supposed to run 20 last week; I had a cold, but I thought I could do it. Every time we got water, I blew my nose and thought I could keep going. Well, after about 14 miles, the cold went right into my chest, and I found it more and more difficult to breathe.

At mile 15, I gave up and walked back.

I felt like a failure: a huge wuss. I waiting for my teammates to make it through their twenty, gave them high 5's, watched them all celebrate, and felt like I had let myself down. I know that running with a cold is tough, and I know it was probably the right choice, but I've felt badly about it all week.

So tomorrow, I'm doing it. No if's, and's, or but's. No "I'm tired" or "I have cramps" or even "I have a blister." I can get through this! Just this week, I received some more donations, and it's looking pretty decent financially. Now I just have to get my butt into gear and do the miles.

26 miles is a lot, but I've learned that running is 90% effort, 10% conditioning. It's almost all mental, and it's my own insecurities that hold me back. I think that, in this way, running is also metaphorical for life. How many times have I stopped myself from submitting an article or applying for something, or even going to a party, because I'm insecure? Yet usually, all of these things are rewarding in the end, as I know 26.2 will be. And damnit, I'm gonna put one of those obnoxious 26.2 stickers on my car...because it is something to brag about!!

Hmmm...I killed 7 minutes. Ben, my husband, is in bed asleep, and it's a little early for bed, but I can't sit here and think about the run. I think I'll try and go watch something mindless on TV. I'll see you very early tomorrow morning!